wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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