24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
