This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
