I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
