i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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