Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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