my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
