he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
