I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
