I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
