I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
