He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
