mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Houston, we have a squirter
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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