i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
