you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
