About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
