she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
