I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
