i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
