i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
