whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
