piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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