not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
