The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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