I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
