a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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