did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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