Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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