2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
