omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
