we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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