Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
