Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
