If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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