I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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