Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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