Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
honey bunches of taint.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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