Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
