I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
