I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
