Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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