I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize