Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
