jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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