Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
