We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize