Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
