Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
