Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
