what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
