"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
