i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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