So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Im part way to drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize