1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
