saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
