Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
