So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
