omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize