Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize