i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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