I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love having hate sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
