did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
