Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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