Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
