He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
