ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
